Boundaries as an active form of safety

In a world where personal boundaries often resemble walls that separate us from others, it's time to rethink this narrative. Boundaries should be seen more like a front gate to me, flexible and controlled by us, open to being adjusted according to our comfort and respect for both ourselves and others. A dear friend of mine captures this sentiment perfectly, referring to them as 'personal policies.'

It's a refreshing perspective, emphasising that boundaries are not barriers, but tools for self-respect and safety.

A boundary is a line that defines where we end and someone else begins. It's fundamental for protecting our time, energy, and emotional space. As part of the Universal Protective Behaviours Framework, boundaries are essential for consistently upholding our right to feel safe. A lack of them can leave us overcommitted, frustrated, angry, and drained. It's common to feel guilty when we assert boundaries, especially for those accustomed to caring for others or defaulting to 'yes.'

But let's clarify: setting boundaries is not selfish. Boundaries are an act of responsibility.

Without them, we risk depleting our own energy, which affects the quality of our relationships.

So, what do weak boundaries look like? They manifest as unclear, inconsistent commitments, like saying 'yes' when we really mean 'no.' It's a trap many, including myself, have fallen into countless times. These weak boundaries may also lead us to avoid difficult conversations, take on too much responsibility, and over-explain or justify our needs.

These patterns, though subtle, often leave us feeling unsafe over time.

To help strengthen our boundaries, I'd like to share two practical strategies, as always.

1) The first is a wall press grounding technique. It's not about showcasing physical strength but about presence and grounding. If possible, stand facing a wall and place your palms against it, then press gently while exhaling slowly. This simple act is a physical reminder that it's okay to hold your ground. For those unable to stand, visualising the exercise can be equally effective in fostering a sense of strength within the present moment.

2) The second strategy is boundary rehearsal. This involves practising the language you'll use to establish clear boundaries. You might start with phrases like,

'Thank you for that, but I'm not available right now,' or

'I appreciate the opportunity, but it's not for me.'

To help anchor these boundaries in your body, combine your words with a physical movement, such as stepping forward or turning a foot slightly. Such movements make boundary-setting feel more natural and embodied.

If these practices feel unfamiliar, you could try rehearsing them in a safe environment, either alone or with someone you trust. Alternatively, practice them while walking alone to integrate the strategies into your routine. Ultimately, the choice of how or whether to practice these strategies is yours.

To wrap up, remember:

Boundaries are not a rejection of others, but an affirmation of our own needs and safety.

By embracing them gradually, we make it easier to uphold them when it truly matters. Thank you for joining this conversation on feeling safe and standing strong by rethinking boundaries and their practical applications. Until next time, let's keep granting ourselves permission to stand firm and honour our right to set effective boundaries.

Summary: Boundaries as an active form of safety

• Discusses the importance of boundaries for personal safety and respect.

• Boundaries act as a front gate that we can open and close intentionally.

• Healthy boundaries protect time, energy, and emotional space, and contribute to safer relationships.

• Weak boundaries can lead to over-commitment, frustration, and resentment.

• Strategies include wall press grounding and boundary rehearsal to practice setting limits comfortably.

• Rehearsal includes developing language for boundaries and integrating it with physical movement.

• Boundaries affirm personal needs and safety without rejecting others; practising them helps uphold self-respect.

• This Blog encourages practising boundaries to protect and honour oneself.